Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of.

As a mother of two wee ones, I’m occasionally frustrated and yet amazed by them.  

Last night was no different - I could have easily strangled one of my offspring and sold the other one for beer money.


Take this as an example:


We have an argument with our partner, go to sleep upset or pissed off with each other and in the morning those feelings are still lingering, possibly a little diluted, but those feelings are still there. We mope and pout, grumble and fret. However, with children, we could carry on like a woman possessed (which I have been known to accomplish from time-to-time) and all seems to be forgiven and forgotten in the morning.


We can learn lessons from our children.


The next morning our children breeze into your bedroom with cheerful good morning wishes and beaming smiles and immediately you get a clean slate, a fresh start, a chance to redeem yourself and restore your level-headedness as a respectable and worthy parent.


Don’t get me wrong I never take this instant forgiveness for granted because after the dramatic performances of shouting, begging, screaming and nagging, The Guilt sets in. I write The Guilt with capital letters because most parents will know The Guilt obscenely ruthless. For parents it is a brutal aura that loiters around for ages and creeps in quietly and pokes at the wound catching you off guard.


Oh the remorse!


Seeing your children with fear in their eyes because you have snapped their heads off is harsh. Often, the shame and self-reproach is unbearable.


We feel guilty for reprimanding, we feel guilty for punishing, we feel guilty for teaching them a lesson, we feel guilty for scolding when all we want them to do is listen to us and trust that we’re doing it for their benefit in the long run. We’re not doing it to be mean or bitter or malicious. We are parenting.


However, children are Master Manipulators. They spot The Guilt immediately and they exploit it. Oh, they can smell The Guilt a mile away. Those big, wide puppy dog eyes and quivering lips are flawless examples of their guileful skill. Our children push the right buttons at the right time and operate us like the puzzles they built with expert proficiency. Don’t let them fool you! Don’t fall for their lures and charms. Their ability to twist and contort your practical and logical thoughts is remarkable.


We can learn lessons from our children.


We all have different parenting styles but most parents agree that no matter what method you use, our little ones will study your methods as quickly as you implement them. We have to keep one step ahead of them with new tactics and new strategies. Campaigns need to be rehashed as soon as they decipher our plan.
We need to think like the military. Be armed, stand ready and shoot from the hip. Always have the mission in mind and know when to advance and retreat. Do not question the orders and if need be, recruit reinforcements to substitute when you are ready to loose control. Get an edge on life. Less Flower Power and more fire power.
 


I envy kangaroos. The baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch and starts to grow. I’d have another baby if it would mature in my handbag.


I love my girls but some days I’d trade one of them for a case of fine wine, oh fuck the fine wine, gimme cheap plonk wine and hard drugs!



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Not in a Good Place Today

I'm not sure where that place is but its not a good place.

I feel like tearing my hair out, running far away and hiding under my duvet and not coming out at all today.  Speaking of hair, I found my first grey hair yesterday!!!  I was devastated...

Its one of those days where everything goes wrong!

You know those days, everything you touch turns to shit and everything you say doesn't matter, everything you try to say comes out wrong, no one hears you, no one is paying attention?

My youngest 3-year-old girl-child monster was on top form this morning. Yeah, she may look like an angel to you guys but she can be the most horrid creature when she wants to be. She is defiant, resistant, stubborn and she has a knack to just switch off and blatantly ignore me. I talk once, twice, three times and normally I just deal with it and discipline in the usual way.

Today she just riled me up to a vicious crescendo and then smacked me down. Very far down. She knows she’s doing it. I know it. Why do I still fall for it?

I only exploded once this morning and then the tears started and haven’t really come to an end. I flung my hands up in the air and thought “fuck it”.

Then my silence kicked it.

I blatantly ignored Kaylin all the way to school and dropped her off, kissed her and waved her a silent goodbye. I didn’t do it to hurt her or get back at her. I was just incredibly sad and frustrated.

During all of this drama, Megan (my 6 year old) was the sweetest little person. Making her bed, getting ready for school, helping to tidy up, telling me stories and trying to cheer me up. That made me feel very more sad.

It shouldn’t be a 6-year-old's responsibility to cheer her mum up! I told Megan how much I appreciate her for doing things without me asking. I told her how much I love the fact that I don’t have to nag her to do things. She wants to do them. I told her how much I appreciate that she is my constant reminder about things I have to remember. I also made it very clear to her that it was not her job to cheer me up and try and make up for her sister’s bad behaviour. Its not her fault!

I normally hide my sad tears from my children but today I couldn’t do that. I was past the covering up stage. I had crossed the line of swallowing the tears and sucking it up. The tears just rolled down my face and I couldn’t stop.  I'm still crying!

I’m not favouring one child over the other right now but it is so hard to like a child who is so unkind and ungrateful towards you. Especially when you do everything to avoid the conflicting situations.

Sometimes you just snap and wonder how can your two children be so completely different?

How can you use the same parenting techniques on both children and get it so right the first time and think: “Hey I’m actually doing a half decent job”. And then a second child comes along and she reacts totally different to the same method?


You think to yourself? Did I fuck up the recipe somewhere along the line? Did I leave out one crucial ingredient? Has my approach changed?



Why do I have to scream to be heard?



Can you not hear me?



Oh yes, thats it, igore me, I love it...



Perhaps I'll just invest in a megaphone to be heard?



Gosh, being a mum to a Spirited Child can be so frustrating and complicated.

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