Showing posts with label bazinga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bazinga. Show all posts

Monday Male - El Jefe Goes to Vegas Part 2

    Another Guest Post by El Jefe

    Here is "El Jefe goes to Vegas" Part 2.  

    Be sure to read Part 1 HERE first.

    My friend shall remain anonymous (you know who you are!)

    My friends and I had been up all night, at the clubs and then in the casinos. It was about 5am and we ended up in the Golden Nugget Casino Restaurant. At 5am, there are alot of old people eating the buffet breakfasts that are served in the casino restaurants. We were definitely the youngest people there.

    One of the girls in the group was pretty gullable and pretty drunk. We convinced her to walk over to a table with an older couple and start dancing like Michael Jackson (She was actually a great dancer and did choreography for the Austin Ballet.) I forgot to mention that "Thriller" had just started playing on the speakers in the restaurant.

    She walked over and broke out the moonwalk. She then started doing the whole Thriller dance routine. The old guy at the table started yelling at her to get away from them. Thing is, when she starts to dance, she does not want to stop. She ignored him and just kept dancing. We are cracking up at the table. It was hilarious. You have to picture a drunk girl dancing Thriller for old people who do not want her dancing it! 

    She continued, nailing the Thriller dance step by step (pretty impressive given that she had been drinking for about 8 hours straight). The old man, about 80 years old, clutched his butter knife and raised it. I was the first to see it and I yelled "KNIFE!" It didn't phase her. She kept dancing. All of a sudden, he took a swipe at her with his dull butter knife, glancing her leg. He stood up and swung the knife a second time, hitting her in the arm. That is when she finally stopped and walked away, all the while the old guy is cussing up a storm.
    She comes back to the table, mad at me because she thinks she almost got killed. She actually had a big butter swipe on the front of her pants. I had to explain to her it was just a butter knife.

    Now, more hilarity ensues as she tells me, "I don't care what kind of knife it was, they all can kill. He could have punctured a vein or something in my leg and I would have bled to death." Everyone is cracking up again as she is ranting and raving about her "near-death" experience. The girl is actually getting mad because she thinks we do not care about her.

    This is when I take the butter knife sitting on the table and show it to her. I show her that there is no serrated edge, no point, nothing that could puncture the skin. Unless he stuck it in her eye, nothing was going to happen. The table is cracking up so much that we are asked to leave the restaurant. Partly for the dance display and partly for the fun that we are having. 

    Anyway, we head out and she just starts crying and crying.  Mumbling about how we were going to let her die.  Then, she passes out in the lobby and we carry her to the elevator and up to the room.  But the fun is not done yet. 

    We grab some packets of ketchup and swipe a butter knife from the restaurant.  When we get her up to the room, we put ketchup on her pants and shirt so it looks like blood.  We put the butter knife in her hand.  Everyone sleeps.

    We are staying in a suite.  There are 8 of us in there and we all are woken up by a shrill scream at about 10am.  Our friend is freaking out, thinking she had been stabbed.  She runs out of the room with ketchup everywhere.  I really wish I had a video camera!!!  

    Needless to say, she was a little upset with us and did not talk to us until the next day.  Looking back, she laughs at it more than we do - But at the time, I think she wanted to take the butter knife and poke our eyes out!!!

    Bazinga!

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Fawk You Friday, Shoegasm Shizzle and a Fizzy 55

    BWS tips button

    So it's Fawk You Friday again!  Can you believe it?  Well my lovelies, head on over to Boobies, Babies and a Blog and link up.  Have some stinky cheese with your whine and let it all hang oot!

    My Fuck You's this week:

    Fuck you to my car's clutch cable that snapped in the middle of a busy traffic circle during rush-hour at 4pm in the afternoon just about 500m from my daughter's school.  All those fuckers peeping and gesturing for me to get out the way.  Where the fuck must I go when my car doesn't have a clutch and I'm on an incline.  Do I crawl up my own arsehole? Piss off!  

    However, My Knight-In-Shining-Boerewors came to my rescue with tow car and tow rope.  Smart man!  I was in tears on the way home because I didn't know how to keep the rope tight without my breaks smelling like they were going to explode or trying to view all this through streaming tears.  

    Story not over.  It happened again yesterday!  It snapped off mid-busy intersection and my Knight-In-Shining-Boerewors had to come to my rescue again.  He deserves a medal for coming to the rescue again, even though his wife was screaming down the phone at him.  I'm deeply sorry for taking out my frustrations on you!  I would rather evacuate my bowels in a public place than go through that again.


    Fuck You to my stupid scale.  It hasn't budged since I started gym two weeks ago.  I thought I'd have lost at least 1 fekkin kilogram by now.  Urgh!  Keep plodding along on that Orbitrek machine, gurl!

    Head on over to G-Man and sign up for Flash Fiction Friday and write a complete story in 55 words.  Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.


    Sugar Free and yet sweet
    Dark and Lovely
    500mls of soft,
    carbonated black beauty
    Caffeine and Phenylalanine  loaded
    Nice constant Buzzzzz
    4 kilojoules of yumminess
    0 grams of guilt-free fat
    40mg of Sodium that’s 2% of your GDA
    GDA – Guideline Daily Amount
    Recyclable Plastic Bottle
    Chug it down
    Aahhhh!
    Coke Lite does it for me!










    Its Friday's Shoegasm over at  Peace Love Appelsauce
    Go Link up and enjoy all the Heels
    
    $669 at FabCrush

    Orange (my favourite colour) Louboutin Knock-Offs $142

    For the up-and-coming Royal Wedding  from Irregular Choice
    Irregular Choice GBP79.99
    Irregular Choice GBP129.99


    I wish someone in the UK could send me a pair of Irregular Choice shoozies.  I'm a SA Size 4 if anyone wants to surprise me for my birthday in June.

    I couldn't help but throw in a handbag because its so damn cute from Irregular Choice for GBP79.99.  Boy, do they have the most adorable accessories or what?. 

    Have a BRILLIANT weekend and don't do anything I would do.  Bazinga!
    April Fools!


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